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AIMLESS ARROW

to live the life you want

you’ve abandoned those in need

a necessary casualty

five lives dead and gone. we breathe out of key and wonder if you can hear the awkwardness in these tremors. Draining, cutting this cancer out. Teeth gaping yet I make no sound. six hammers and one sky, falling. five lives dead and gone. mediocrity in believing in everything, and this lack of will has buried them forever.

your roar of love
slayed my despair
it ripped me from my path
that led me to nowhere
you shook me from my sleep
that willed me to die
a final goodbye
all we love we leave behind

Waiting for the axe to fall

Sun is sinking clouds collecting

I'm in a race to
stop the bleeding me

My will is leaving darkness falling

So much for breathing,
My cloud nine fell from grace.
Loss of everything,
Where is my identity?

If I could only find what is left me,
So much for letting go when you have nothing left to hold,
The words that slid off your tongue, my everything.

Please love, just come home again
Just let this one pass, there will be another
And in this laughter before the pain
Every deliberate hung by my left hand
Eyelids fludder and warm water floods my nostrils
Neck deep I cry high

There was nothing that I ever wanted more,
Than for you to hold this deep within your heart,
To lay beside me as my halo burns deep to cinder,
And to wake me from my tired life.

To give this ghost a home again,
When you fall short and I fall short,
This is where I pretend I'm as tall as the sky,

swam out to sea
to try and be me
to drown those that
thought they could never sink
when in the deep
weakness is easy to read
coral blue grows in you
coral blue tells the truth

Voracious children and wolves
Sharpen their teeth on our bones
Carrion feeds the wretched
Vacant eyes peer through the hole
Beggars and thieves bring down a common enemy
While pawnshop kings and corner queens
All hawk their souls for gold
Lifelong victims pound and claw at the ground

for all those born to serve
and those that chose to hide
(how many worker bees died within our hive)
let their sadness be our blessing
let their losses
lead the way

the dark horse will one day come

Pick your poison as dead beats do
Leave a wake in the hearts that hurt you
Pick your poison as dead beats do
Blood pulsing through your wounds
A thousand warnings are ringing true
Burning their homes, writing in stone
The name of demons inside of you
You left your mark on this world

Oh I miss the kiss of treachery
The shameless kiss of vanity
The soft and the black and the velvety
Up tight against the side of me
And mouth and eyes and heart all bleed
And run in thickening streams of greed
As bit by bit it starts the need
To just let go

And like that heart that got in the way
I'll become the lost cause
The child of burden and rage
Like the distance in your touch
Like the years we burned down
I heard that phone call
The hesitation, the ackward silence
I felt everything in those seconds

A tear to shed my soul.
To bleed out my divinity I search for.
Holding the spine of God my sour sedation pulled them away.
So many things left unsaid my brightside faded away.
Less than zero a shade apart from what I feel.

Cold.

My faith runs thinner than water
for every wish had a name and every heart had a fracture
With every fear there was someone, somwhere
who loved before, who hoped before
Someone who cried out ten thousand oceans
and someone who bled out the evening in search of you
They carried hope thick in their visions
and they held you deep in their chests

amphetamine
raised her since three
he was a hope to be gutter king
both unraveled at their seams
that were never sewn
she never had a choice
they never had a chance
he never had a choice

Disenchanting the romantic
This is the real, this is the shame
These limbs search feverishly for the gift of gravity
Coarse twine tears clean
And I have thought about this very instance for all time
Decades longer than you or I
Crimson comforting, scorching this flesh, giving it's caring for me
And I have thought about these moments for all time

You were most beautiful as the damage and the trauma
Pounding hard with battered wings of destiny
You were my last great war
You were my heaven ablaze
Riddled with faults and fractures
And I spent my last of days burning my oldest of bridges
And I spent my last of nights killing the best of friends
In the company of thieves, liars, beggars and whores

my love, wrap your hands around my heart
free me from the frost that enveloped my life
my love, reach out your arms and pull me close
let us tread in silence as their world drowns beneath
my love, wrap your hands around my heart
free me from the frost that enveloped my life
my love, reach out your arms and pull me close
let us tread in silence as their world drowns beneath

when i see me in your eyes
i just want to go blind
when i build coffin worlds with words
i just want a place to hide
when old ghosts meet new regrets
my daylight fades to grey
when our days bring guilt and shame
my heart turns black

We are falling down
We are falling
Every word that you pray makes another slave
Every idol that you build brings another plague
Every cross that you bear grows another grave
We are all falling down
We are all falling down
Down, down

Death was just a simple glance across a dim lit room
And those eyes did it
Those three words did it
Those three words killed him
And I surrender to it all
Between you and me, I surrender to you
Forgive me for the sadness
And the bringing of you down

Cheap lips, soft eyes, lost in the most blinding lights
As cold as those first nights alone
As the second best he'll become
Sleep deep, girl, dream well
That night, I think he cried himself to sleep
Just maybe, he felt more than we could ever know
And I think he pulled that trigger to empty that memory
I think he cut the weight to end the floods of you

I have bled and I have given
the longest of rivers and the longest of ropes
And you're not grasping and my light is sinking on the horizon
Knee deep among your wreckage and uncertainty
with anguish my crown and heartbreak my throne
I lay claim to this day - No love, no hope
I've lost count of the second chances
I lay claim to this day - No love, no hope

I abstain(я воздерживаюсь)
Below my solitude I abstain. Above my bitterness I grace the lie. Sinking alone I severed the chord, drifting into the wide. It lies below this tragedy, this suffering. Life's blood flows out of me. The deeper I sink the more life flows out of me. Drifting towards the light I see torn from my home to be. Hook clawing at my flesh guiding me through my journey. Drowning in a see of rusting faith. Killing your dreams with bleeding mistakes. A part of her dies too.
Я воздерживаюсь, прикрытый своим одиночеством.
Я украшаю ложь над моей горечью.
Аккорд, дрейфующий вширь, разорван, и я тону один.
Эта трагедия и мое страдание расположены ниже.
Жизни кровь вытекает из меня.
Чем ниже я опускаюсь, тем сильнее жизнь вытекает наружу.

she is at the end chasing her own fading light
running from her shadow in the name of living
searched for worth in the lust of men
paid in blood in different beds
mistaking sex as true love
they never meant a thing
her addiction brought her a world
of coward boys and of cheater girls

these floods of you are unforgiving
pushing passed me spilling through the banks
and i fall
faster than light and faster than time
that's how memory works
at least in the dark where i'm searching for meaning
when i'm just searching for something
i want out

i need you to be the strength of widows and soul survivors
i need you to be as fearless as new mothers and new fathers
i need you to be the hope of hearts who lost true love
i need you to be the might of their first kiss
i need a purpose and i need a reason
i need to know there is trophy and meaning
to all that we lose and all we fight for
to all our loves and our wars

From a victim to a friend
Don't ever let them in keep
Your scars on your sleeve and your heart in your hands
All the whores with their wars
Their gaping mouths want more
All of them choke on regret
We sit in silence
Dead or dedicated

Dear, just one day, just another fight
just one more lonely night
Just one more crowd under the burning lights
(with some blood and mind to be paid)
To my friends to my family
I tried to be the best man I could ever be
I tasted their failure on the entrance way
(with some blood and mind to be paid)

In vein and valor
be what they fear
their days are over
our nights are here
with hate and heartache
i’ll strike you down
with rage and rapture
i crush your crown

Don’t let go.
Don’t leave me.
Don’t let go.
Don’t leave me.

As I cried for you, her lips were calling to you.

Don’t let go.

all of the wounded that need to be saved
looked for a handout beyond the gates
and i need to know if their blood was worth it
as we live this inferno and burn down to the bone
all of the arrows that plunge into prey
all their promises of better days
and i need to know if their blood was worth it
and we live this inferno, because i would rather...

And I write this to you my dear
For your eyes alone
I'm out of heart and these tanks are low
So cast your days to flame
And set your phoenix to flight
Let her turn to ash
Among those flourescent lights
Let your love drift deeper

my barren plan to be a better man
rots in abandoned fields
these idle hands inherit spoiled lands
as the hungry become the pigs
we reap (and) we sow
we mourn who we were
love what we lost
in the grace of... (youth)

You have stripped my heart of all it's parts
and gave away the scrap for free

you have sold your soul for some control
and gnawed at the hands that tried to love and feed

you are crying out to end the drought
yet it's not your blood that filled this sea

there's no such thing as good enough
for arctic eyes and hard earned rust
i've grown tired of counting odds
to somehow make things even
when sadness always comes home
sadness comes home
sadness comes home
cursed to be your second best

no longer feel you
no longer fear you
i've worked overtime
in your cancer factories
lived with those lies
to make those loose ends meet
i've taken all my chances
and still i'm missing steps

I'm losing sleep a thousand miles away from my you
Unloved in the dialtone
It's just not that simple when the perfect words
just don't ever seem to fit
She just slipped under harmony
and now I'm empty handed
I'm just half empty, a second best
Somewhere it's too soon

when you chose to hurt the honest ones
they scarred effortlessly
fading - felt but never seen
something lost and nothing gained
this damage still looks the same
darkness gets in the way
what i feel, i cannot say
when you chose to love all the wrong ones

Those nights we had and the trust we lost
The sleep that fled me and the heart I lost
It all reminds me
Just how callous and heartless the true cowards are
And I write this for the loveless
And for the risks we take
I'll take my love to the grave
As tired and worn it is

And we won't be breathing in that same sun again
None of this will ever surface again
How we get older, how we forget about each other
And the angel falls to the sky
Raised and coiled she blessed this day she did
And it rings our ears
She rarely flies anymore, burden broke her wings
And I know this ghost, I have seen it before

see, i've grown to find the same old sun
erases shadows, devours light
we burn - we burn at both ends
fate has no compass fear has no driver
what a cruel world clarity brings
we burn - we burn at both ends
our ghosts were made of good that got in the way
some just gave up in the end

In pure ghost white
i see what was mine
drowned in jet black
that haunts your shadows
endless night begins
this forked road now bends
a forked tongue appears
to lead us astray

Can you help me? Take a picture before I paint over her. She is beautiful, she was everything. I miss her. Last night I dreamt of her tracing my scars. She said she'd never leave and that I'd always stay. That night you called I stood by that phone for hours, I felt everything thirty miles away. You said you loved me and I told you the same. We kissed there for the first time. I believed in you for the last time. I once was I, once was whole. Peacemaker, tell myself that this is time to say goodbye. Goodbye

For the swarms come and reap your day dreams of love and hope
For the frears and blood stains faith are woven in her yearn for war
And the sadder song of broken wings
hard through the battered pavement among this city
Deafending, it betrays me in the sweetest of dreams
These moments can't avoid you
Tonight the lonesome sky opens wide
Forgive me

the collapsing veins are empty
the stars are less bright tonight
the future is moving farther away
from defeated eyes
your words can't touch me
while your past ways down your life
your heart can't love me
while your past (still) haunts you inside

i've searched with pen and paper
i search to show you
just how far i broke from myself
in the name of fear and doubt
in a better world there would be a better me
without the chase that won't leave me be
wolves at my door keep all your wars
i'm going home to bed

Saw you coming around my bend
Cutting teeth and breaking bread
Making moves and smearing friends
Your karma has been racking debts
Left your throne in foreclosed homes
Claimed that crown of decay
Built castle walls with blood and bone
To shield your soul from wither and decay

down by your side
i watch the dreary light
it illuminates your sleeping skin
i reach my cold arm across the bed
you make no move
you never do
own these dire nights
own their seething lies

You Fail Me

you fail me with every fatal crush
you fail me with every abandoned love
you fail me with your inferno fuck me eyes
that burn as fuel for my city and its neon lights
burn bright white line fever take them all
you fail me with your new dead end dream