Obey The BeardMustache? No.
Sideburns? No.
Goatee? Maybe.
Beard? BEARD!
Do you feel alone?
Do you feel neglected?
Not doin' too well with the ladies?
A Lesson In ModestyJawsh: "You know Rob, I was thinking. You know, I mean, we've done a lot of touring, sold a lot of CD's, you know, and, I really think that we need, it's really important that we remain humble, and grounded, and not let the success go to our heads, you know what I mean?"
Rawrb: "Yeah... Josh, you know I've been thinking about that too, and uh.. f**k that! We're the greatest band, ever!"
ABCDALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ITS TIME TO GO OLD SCHOOL,
SO PUT ON YOUR THINKING CAPS,
AND GET READY TO FUCK SHIT UP!
A
B
C
Because BoobsBoobs should always be in my face
So bring them over to my place
Guys know what it's all about
Victoria, your Secret's out
All bras do is get in the way
So let yo puppies out to play
Squish them boobs all up on me
Hell yeah.
BeerI like beer 'cos it is good
I drink beer because I should
if there is a song to sing
I sing it and beer you bring
I drink beer when I am sad
'cuz the beer it makes me glad
now there's nothign left to say
so lets go drink beer
Blue Screen on Windows 7I can't believe it went down this way
I had so much left to save
I thought that we would last forever
But now I'm taking it day by day
Oh, what I'd give to have you again
But there's no way I can get in
You shut me out of my whole world now
CaffeineWahhh
Caffeine happy make me
Wahhh
Caffeine happy make me
Wahhh
Go all crazy maybe
Wahhh
Choking Hazard"Hey, look at Kevin Stupid over here. He's choking cuz he's stupid!"
First Aid...For Choking
Step 1. Ask, are you choking?
(this is the universal choking sign)
Step 2. Have someone call EMS ambulance, telephone 911.
If victim can speak, breath, or cough...
Dogs Like SocksI'm a dog and I like socks.
I like socks.
I'm a dog.
I'm a dog and I like socks.
I like socks.
I'm a dog.
Gimme that sock.
Don't Eat My FoodAll day i was working
a shitty job with shitty pay.
My only motivation
was leftovers from yesterday.
I come home to find that
my lasagna is all gone.
You're the only culprit
now the line must be drawn!
Girl DirectionsGirl Directions! [x2]
Ok so this is how you get here
Your gunna wanna take the 202 to the 101 North
Dont get on the 60 though
Or else your totally gunne be goin the wrong way
Girl directions! [x2]
So your gunna wanna get off on exit called Mc Dowel...uhhh or
No wait was it Mc Dawla...
Good Morning[Spoken]
Morning Sleepy Head!
Time To Get Up!
I said
Grocery Escape PlanThe other day I went to the store
To get a gallon of milk
But then I found out they only had
1 percent but not 2 percent(1 percent but not 2 percent)
1 percent but not 2 percent(1 percent but not 2 percent)
I want two percent
I got one percent
Happy Fucking New YearYou know that I know that we both know how resolutions and
You know that you are gonna give up yet you still pretend
You can't deny the fact that your convictions bend and break
All you'll abandon every promise that you ever make
Hate Times 8*various pointless hateful insults*
Don't you hate when you walk down the street and you see somebody that you hate?
Don't you hate when you wake and you're late and you think of something that you hate
Don't you hate when your mom's gonna bake you a cake and the frosting is grape?
Don't you hate when you're out on a date at the lake and she wants to procreate?
Embrace your hate
Holiday HateIt's that time of year for goin' SHOPPING
It's that time of year for seein' GRANDMA
It's that time of year for lying to CHILDREN
That's right, Santa doesn't exist
It's that time of year for hatin' FRUITCAKE
It's that time of year for drinkin' EGG NOG
It's that time of year for bakin' a MINCE PIE
I can only count to fourOne, two, five, four, me count so poor. (gonna count, gonna count, gonna count now)
One, I can count to one.
Two, I can count to two.
Three, I can count to three.
Four, I can't count no more.
One, what comes after one?
In A Band To Get ChicksSICK of being a loser
Turned down at every turn!
TIRED of being rejected
I'm the king of crash and burn.
WHAT am I gonna do now?
I need a little plan...
iSong(I wanna get an iPhone.) [x2]
I wanna get an iPhone app
That will help me out with remembering names.
I wanna get an iPhone app
That will get me a job making video games.
I want it,
It's Just A Movie, StupidShe was all alone in this imperfect world
And was very, very lonely
Nobody really understood just how she felt
Till one day she slipped on a banana peel
Then there he was, he picked her up
And asked her, "Hey, are you okay?"
He was tall and dark, and strong and kind,
Jagermeister Love SongI know I promised I'd write you a love song
But instead I just wrote you a drunk song
Because love is pathetic
But seventy proof is no less than poetic
You look your best when my vision is blurry
That's not what I meant I can't keep from slurring
Because love is emetic
Jingle BellJoy to the world while you're decking all the halls
Ya better watch out or we'll kick you in the balls
Here we come a-wassailing Feliz Navidad
Grandma got run over by a reindeer fa-la-la
Crush your balls with a sleigh
Jingle bells in your face
Jolly Old SadistSanta didn't keep his promise, so he's getting his cookies and milk NO MORE
All I wanted to get for Christmas was a Boba Fett
Still in original packaging, but Santa has abandoned me
And I wanted me a new guitar
With EMGs and a whammy bar
Let's Do the SexI'm chillin' here at the Jiffy Lube in the waiting room
When I see you
Why did you sit down so far away
I close the gap and say,
Something great. "Hey."
Did you fall from heaven
Cuz I'd rate you as a seven
Maybe 8 depending on the time of day
Loathe Thy NeighborPicture an elderly lady peeking through her blinds
You wave her a friendly hello while she glares with judging eyes
Her glasses held by chains on pointy 1960s frames
They help her see your faults as she's squinting with disdain
A retired English teacher with an overwhelming fragrance
Still alive, too stubborn to die
And death don't have the patience
Methane CrescendoAlright, who did? Who did it? ADMIT IT.
Admit to your transgression a guilty conscience needs confession.
Don't dare deny it. Don't hide it. Don't fight it.
Denied abominations will lead to investigations.
You gotta take responsibility for your flatulence, for your gas.
You gotta be accountable for silent death that you're unleashing, for all the products of your ass...
Minimum RageI've been stuck at this stupid job for far too long now, and I just dont know how much more of it i can take before I lose it.
How can people that you see every day, turn so evil when they come in to pay?
For a burger and some fries and they yell, I swear I must be analytic
May I help you?
Obey The BeardMustache? No.
Sideburns? No.
Goatee? Maybe.
Beard? BEARD!
Do you feel alone?
Do you feel neglected?
Not doin' too well with the ladies?
OrangeYou're an ORANGE!
You're an ORANGE!
You're an ORANGE!
You're round and juicy and sweet
You're an ORANGE!
You're an ORANGE!
You're an ORANGE!
You're full of vitamin C
Passive VengeanceYour pubes are on the soap,
cause you never wash them off,
and I never say a thing.
There's wrappers on the floor,
and you never do the dishes,
and I never say a thing.
Prozak MilkshakeI'm depressed
So I wrote this song
To express
Everything that's wrong
Like my mother
Wouldn't let me go to a rated R
Cool movie
SadfaceI read the other day that Bob was sad
Because his girlfriend was talking to her ex
when she found out that he had sex
With his ex-wife that ruined his life
By making a post about the time
He cheated on her with his old boss
Now he's single and unemployed
And he said his life is completely destroyed and
Scrotal TormentIn a crowd
With no escape
Is when I feel
My privates wake!
Got to find
Some privacy
Or they will see
Shower"For all you out there, who are dirty and weary.
For all those out there, Smelling stinky and sour.
For all you out there, who are in need of cleansing.
I hope you're prepared, cause it's time...
To shower"
Take off your clothes.
Pick up the soap.
The Dumb SongGawkman: Hey Murph, YER DUMB!
Murph: No, YER dumb!
Gawkman: No, no- YER dumb!
Murph: Well, yer dumb cuz you got glasses on.
Gawkman: Well, yer... DUMB!
Murph: Yer nose is funny, and dumb.
Gawkman: Well, yer eyes are dumb.
Murph: Well, I'm gonna sing why yer dumb.
The Hunger Within I wish I had a taco
With plenty of hot sauce
But all that I've got is
A box of crackers
I wish I had a pizza
With mushrooms and sausage
But all that I've got is
The Jagermeister Love SongI know I promised I'd write you a love song
But instead I just wrote you a drunk song
Because love is pathetic
But seventy proof is no less than poetic
You look your best when my vision is blurry
That's not what I meant I can't keep from slurring
Because love is emetic
Throwin' DownOh, I get it
You wanna run my life!
Why don't you stick an antenna up my ass
And make me your own satellite
You bitch
Why the hell you gotta make it so damn tough
I could find a cure for cancer
Two Ton PaperweightMy car is a PIECE OF SHIT!
I wanna drive you off a cliff
Watch you crash into a ravine
For the things you did to me, you...
STUPID CAR!
I wanna make myself a pipe bomb
Blow yer damn engine back to hell
We Ran Out of CD SpaceWhat if the world was made of glazed donuts?
You would be like, "Man, that's f**king sweet
I can't believe the world is made of donuts"
What if your hands were made of hot pockets
You would be the first one to be eaten
In survival situations
Why, Oh, WhyI'm looking at you
After it's all over
And I don't feel quite the same
That look in your eyes
Says you don't want me anymore
Even though you are to blame
Why, oh, why