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You ready to do this, I'dawg?
You know it, A'Dizzle.
I'm ready for some hardcore rappin'!
Alright, let's do this! Yeah, here we go!

Hey! Yo! We gotta go
And tell 21 things we'd rather do
If someone offer you tobacco

Wohoho
Ians's sad
he lost his friend
who is now a Mexican
oh yeah
he's eating ice cream
oh what the hell is that
I think it is a blow up doll

*HOOK*
Yo ho, yo ho
pirate's life for me
Yo ho, yo ho
Murderin' fools for free
*REPEAT*

They call me Eddie Kenway, man

There's a problem we need to address
The world is getting more and more PC
To the point where people give us weird looks when we say curse words in public
So we came up with a super clever way to say bad words without anyone knowing
All you gotta do
Is say them backwards

We love to say

So let me tell you how this all came to be
I'm doin this here rap for your safety
So all you kids dont mess up like me
and be disowned by your family
So check it, this is how it all began
I was chillin, eatin' some raisin bran
I decided it was time to get a tan
So I grabbed my scissors and then I ran

LYRICS:
I'm a nice guy and get nothing in return but
Cut in line, mean mugged, smacked on the butt
By the way, saying "Good game" doesn't mean it's OK
Guy on guy butt slapping's really gay

No, that's not me now, I'm Boxman version two
Out with the old box, in with the new

My name is boxman, I'm runnin for pres
I know I'm gonna win cause i'm better than the rest
I'm here to fix the U.S. so don't get stressed
And I'm the best dressed, but I digress

The North to the South to the East to the West
America will look like less of a mess
McCain's not the best, I must confess

There was this one time not too long ago
I saw this one girl that made my heart explode
She wasn't like the rest, no, she wasn't a ho
If I made her my girl, my life would be whole

I've never spoken to her
Not even a word
I know that you're thinking that sounds absurd

Yo, Smosh 2010, have your cat spayed or neutered!
Yeah, let's hit it.
Right now.
Cute, furry kittens
Snacking on my grass
I didn't know what they were doing there
So I took them into my house

Vader is a friend of mine!
(Vader is my friend)
Vader is a friend of mine!
(I have a friend named Vader)
Vader is a friend of mine!
(Vader is my friend)
Vader is a friend of mine!

UH! High school!
Driver's Ed!
I-Dawg!
And A-Dizzle
Teachin' people about drivin' and stuff
Yeah, we gettin' extra credit for this one
Jump in my bomb-diggity car! LET'S DO THIS!
Yeah!

Here's the thing about saying firetruck
it starts with F and it ends with uck
So whenever you're in trouble or out of luck
You no longer have to exclaim: Oh F*ck!

Hey, look at that, they just bleeped me
Instead, say: Firetruck! It's so easy
And I like to take a moment, just sit right there

You're playing games and need something to chew
You're super hungry, so what do I do?
I put the meat in your mouth, I put the meat in your mouth
You know you love it when you get that meat in your mouth.

You're out on a date, macking on some stew
Your girl's super picky, so what do you do?
You put the meat in her mouth, you put the meat in her mouth,

His name is Max and he's going to school
He doesn't wear a helmet 'cause he's so cool
He keeps his helmet on his bars
Darts out randomly in front of cars

Talks on his phone while rollin' down the street
He even has a girlfriend, ISN'T THAT SWEET!?
He hits on chicks even if they're skanky

MAX!
Max had a car that's really sweet
Doesn't wear a seatbelt cause that's for geeks
Not just that but it chafs his neck
And he thinks it's stupid as heck

Max! Max! Max!
Max has got a car!

How many fools can I kill today?
Too many to count, don't get in my way
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow
Tomahawk chop is my death blow

Freedom fightin' machine, big-ass hatchet in hand
Why'd you have to kill my bros? I'm-a slash your face, man
I'm a very skilled assassin killin' dudes in ones and twos

Throw my burger in the air, then I drink some of your soda!
Then I do a little bit of hop-scotch, and bust out the Macarena!
Then I train my dog to sit, and then I train my mom to sit!
Knit a sweater to impress some girls, but I'm not very good at knitting!
That was the most embarassing thing I've ever done,
But the girl's taking pictures, thought that it was fun!
I was running away, then I tripped on my pants,
But I saved myself with a cool break dance!

You're playing games and need something to chew
You're super hungry, so what do I do?
I put the meat in your mouth, I put the meat in your mouth
You know you love it when you get that meat in your mouth.

You're out on a date, macking on some stew
Your girl's super picky, so what do you do?
You put the meat in her mouth, you put the meat in her mouth,

Milky milkshake. (Milky milkshake)
Milky milkshake
Dancing with my milkshake, baby, oh, yeah.
I'm dancing with my milkshake.
Oh, i love my milky, milky shake baby.
Milky milkshake. (Milky milkshake)
Milky milkshake.
Shaking my milk milk baby.

(припев)
Hey, Mom, you're the bomb for giving us a home
And not grounding me for nudes you found on my phone
I'm so glad Dad impregnated you
And nine months later I burst out of your womb

(куплет)

Feet in the sand.
Sunglasses on my face.
Hat on my head!
I'm in Surf City, I'm in Surf City!

Watch me play my miniature golf!
Get it in the hole!
Panther's biting my hand!

Gotta step in the bathroom super fast
To check her current Facebook dating status
To see if this is a confusing friend-zone thing.
I don't want to pay if it's a friend-zone thing,
But I totally will if it's a make out thing!
Might make me seem like a jerk, but whatever.
This quick trip to the bathroom
Is the best idea ever!

Walkin' down the street and everybody's starin'
Just jealous of what I'm wearin'
That's right it's a fanny pack, bitches
Hot pink and matches my britches

You're thinking "that guy's insane
Damn, what's his name? What's wrong with his brain?"
I'm perfectly sane, just hear what I say

I know it's kinda late and you think we're kinda lame
But these are all the awesome people who helped fund the game.
We gotta rap real fast so we don't die
And get our ball sacks blown all into the sky.
Here we go!

Alan Hammond, Alec Bru,
Amanda Renick, Alessandra Miller,

The greatest thing ever just happened to me
(You see!) Take that, Mom, you can't tell me how to be
I'm livin' on my own and I've got no rules
Yeah, I rule my own house and I'll tell you what I'll do (ha!)

First, I'll grab some milk; drink straight from the jug
Then grab a sandwich, eat it butt-naked on the rug
All these whack fruit snacks with only five in a pack...

This is America, the land of dreams.
Everyone can climb higher!
(Not you, though. You’re stuck here.
'Cause you're a part timer.)

You can do anything!
(As long as it’s not hard.)
And you can go anywhere!

So take that
To your spleen,
'Cause I'm now a part of
P.E.N. Fifteen!

I'm a member, it's true.
I wonder what kind of awesome shit we'll do.

Hi Ian!
Hey Anthony. Did you hear about prom?
Yes Ian, let's go to prom with hot girls.
Great idea!
But what if other people
Don't know how to prom?
Then let's show them how to prom with a tight rap!
Great idea!

It was the year 2005, Youtube had just begun
So we made a video, just for fun
We lip synced the Pokemon theme, we thought it was alright
But randomly, some dick removed it, claiming copyright

POKEMON, YOU DON'T KNOW THE LAW
Why can't you see, it was a parody
POKEMON

Predicate rap time!
Are you ready?
Here, let's go!

A predicate is one of the two main parts
Of a sentence, the other being the subject,
Which the predicate modifies

Whoa yeah, Segway Polo
Gotta hit the ball with the wooden mallet
Even the professionals don't know how to ride a segway scooter
It's okay bro, hug it out, yeah.
Hit the ball into the goal
Because that's how you win at Segway Polo
This is the most intense sport I've ever-
Whoa! That guy's wearing lederhosen yeah

Christmas!
Christmas sucks.
Christmas!
Christmas sucks.
I'm so freaking tired of Christmas
And all the bulls**t it puts in my head.
I'm so freaking tired of stupid presents under smelly trees.
I wish there was something instead

Christmas!
Christmas sucks.
Christmas!
Christmas sucks.
I'm so freaking tired of Christmas
And all the bulls**t it puts in my head.
I'm so freaking tired of stupid presents under smelly trees.
I wish there was something instead

Teleporting, Teleporting, Teleporting Fat Guy!

Teleporting, Teleporting, Teleporting Fat Guy!

I came back from time, I got my power glove!

Burt Reynolds stole it from me, got it back!

==LYRICS==
Yeah my name is Link, man, I'm more well known than Lil Wayne
Oh you thought my name was Zelda? THAT'S A F**KING GIRL'S NAME!
I've saved the world like fifteen times and and saved the princess from demise
And I do it all alone, with no help and no advice

"Hey, Look, Listen" Hey, look, listen, you f**king annoying fairy
I'd rather be forced to listen to constant Katy Perry

==LYRICS==
Yeah my name is Link, man, I'm more well known than Lil Wayne
Oh you thought my name was Zelda? THAT'S A F**KING GIRL'S NAME!
I've saved the world like fifteen times and and saved the princess from demise
And I do it all alone, with no help and no advice

"Hey, Look, Listen" Hey, look, listen, you f**king annoying fairy
I'd rather be forced to listen to constant Katy Perry

I'll tell you 'bout one day when I was young, I was flippin through the channels when I saw something on, something about robots that destroy each other, it made me want to go blow up my mother.
Oooh, Anthony is not alone, it made me wanna go blow up my home, originally I did that and your point? I love bad grammar and I wish I could rhyme!
If you didn't get what were talkin' about, we're talkin' 'bout the most amazing thing around, if you think the transformers, you was right cause everybody knows that they hella tight!
Transformers creators wouldn't pay us to make this rap, they told us that the script was full of nonsense! I bet that you thought I was gonna say crap cause it rhymes with rap, but I'm better than that!!

Transformers WILL punch you in the face

Transformers WON'T do the macarena

How many fools can I kill today?
Too many to count, don't get in my way
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow
Tomahawk chop is my death blow

Freedom fightin' machine, big-ass hatchet in hand
Why'd you have to kill my bros? I'm-a slash your face, man
I'm a very skilled assassin killin' dudes in ones and twos

How many fools can I kill today?
Too many to count
Don't get in my way
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow
Tomahawk chop is my death blow

Freedom fighting machine
Big-Ass hatchet in hand

Screw you,Anthony!
Pants always full of pee
you cried when your goldfirsh died
like a little pussy
I remember at the theater where we met
the first time
you ran out of a movie hecka wet
the pants kind

Uh, what up freshmen?!
All the freshmen in the house say yeah!
Yes!
I said all the freshmen in the house say yeah!
Yep!
Uh uh, here we go! High school is pretty crap
So we're gonna teach you with this hecka cool rap
How to get through your first year of school

How many fools can I kill today?
Too many to count, don't get in my way
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow
Tomahawk chop is my death blow

Freedom fightin' machine, big-ass hatchet in hand
Why'd you have to kill my bros? I'm-a slash your face, man
I'm a very skilled assassin killin' dudes in ones and twos

The greatest thing ever just happened to me
(You see!) Take that, Mom, you can't tell me how to be
I'm livin' on my own and I've got no rules
Yeah, I rule my own house and I'll tell you what I'll do (ha!)

First, I'll grab some milk; drink straight from the jug
Then grab a sandwich, eat it butt-naked on the rug
All these whack fruit snacks with only five in a pack...

Anything he can do, I can do dumber
I can do anything dumber than him
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
Quit talking crap
And prove you're dumb, man