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it's raining on the other side of these walls. the thunder reminds us of the times we hoped for nothing but storms and creepy fishing boats to sink. we wave sometimes to pretend that nothing is changing. but you've gone on and i've gone off to get lost and devistated. the lightning is lighting up the land. the bright light reminds me that my night life is crumbling when the pitch black begins to lose its pitch. but devistation is not the same thing as disaster. one's all smiles, one's all laughter. top it off. clap and cough. feel the rough. this is the little stuff. trees are snapping. trash is slapping my windows. i'm mapping out the stuff that the wind blows. he's blowing kisses. she's making fists. he's sinking boats. it's sinking in. she knows that things are changing.

Waited up all night next to the radio.
Locked up with you and your K.V. T-shirt. Read allowed (sic) from your travel journal, showed me your photographs even though I didn't know anyone. Locked up with you was fun. You and your K.V. T-shirt. I wouldn't leave if they unlocked the door. I've grown to like this spot on the floor. I wouldn't leave if they unlocked the door. Painted pictures on the wall. It was your idea. I learned about you from your reds and your blues. Spent some time peering through the glass, ran through documentaries of your past even though I'd never been. Locked up with you was fun. You and your K.V. T-shirt.

awake and pacing, preoccupied by the clattering trays, stuck in a daze by the fuzzy ceiling radio and rusty hangings that say, "you love us because we love you. p.s. did i mention there is nothing else we can do?" what's there to say? what's there to do with four kids at home and a husband that drops by every couple of days? what's there to think when there's plenty to forget? it's all about numbing the senses, never getting visibly upset. well, maybe you're right. maybe it's like this everywhere but that's no reason not to leave, just go anywhere, just get out of here. you've been here too long. we don't mind these awful uniforms. we smile when they touch us in the back room. we laugh at their sick jokes and curse them under our breaths...act like we don't know they're standing too close, but any close is too close. always saying, "that one was a close call." awake, and pacing. preoccupied. fuzzy feeling inside. blowing smoke and dodging looks and cursing jokes. well i am visibly upset.

This is how it happens, everything so fast. Look everything is gone. My world, your world, all in one world. Everything's lost when he gets angry. One red button, that leads to nothing. Wipe out a generation with hell to pay. We can fool our silly hearts of hiding places, cold spaces for continual life. I'll wait by the wayside for our own destruction. There goes our outer layer. Stocks for sun block on the rise. (A frank taste of vulnerability for everybody watching. Nuclear destruction, if it happens, would drink up our atmosphere, leaving us with no strength to survive. Without the ozone layer to protect us life isn't factorable. Is this everything they wanted?